Feeling helpless – the rant post

Today I feel like a deflated balloon; totally helpless and simply sad… One moment all I want to do is cry, the other just yell and scream at someone, to anyone… in the hope that someone will listen.

What happened? It is somewhat complicated and to make matters worse it is subject to being confidential… but let us say someone, someone who doesn’t know me, who doesn’t know us or any of our family, someone in an office somewhere hidden just made a decision which affects us all based on fact we are not allowed to know…. No one told us that this process was even going on and then just considered that informing us about their final verdict was all that was required… this is how it is going to be from now on…out the blue…bang your life is in tatters.

I feel so blue… I want to fix it but don’t know how… the people marketed as being those who are suppose to help me and support me aren’t there for me and I am just lost…

On the plus side I have Mark and my family to talk about it but … this is not going to change the outcome… it helps a bit but we are all in the same boat, so we need some outsider to reach to us…

I know that life is not fair… it never is, but hey… there is something called common sense, good karma or whatever else you want to call it… where is our part of it?

It pisses me off that good deeds go unnoticed and all you get in return is a hit on the head… and the worst part is that is comes in the least expected moment.

I am a lawyer, I like to argue, I like to fight, I like to read so I can have a lot of ammunition to fight with,  but most of all I like to know it all so I can get it right… but how do you fight the system which is clearly broken? Where do you go for help when no one wants to listen? Should I just lock myself in a box and wait it out? Even if this would be an option it wouldn’t be a good solution… I want to do something in order to change someone’s mind but how, if there is no one to talk to, if there is no one to listen???

I know that this post doesn’t make a lot of sense, but I decided to write to you instead of writing an angry email to someone who doesn’t give a s**** anyway. I also know that you cannot help me because you most likely don’t have a clue what I am talking about but … it makes me feel better… so please forgive me this moment of weakness… I just want to be selfish for a while… maybe a self pity will help me out to come to terms with what is happening at this moment…

A.